Spiritual commentary added by Bishop GL Jones /General notes: Leo – Actualization.org
How to deal with Toxic or Difficult People – Part One
How do you deal with toxic people who try to destroy you or to bring you down?
Please note that there can be a whole spectrum in levels of toxicity (Mild,Medium and Super Toxicity).
I want to start this 4 part series entitled : “How to Deal with Toxic or Difficult People”. I was watching a great video by a fellow named Leo on his channel :
However, Leo addressed every type of person but those in the 5 fold ministry. I thought wouldn’t it be great to apply the applicable ideas for those in ministry who have to deal with people every day. As ministers of the Gospel we want to see people change for the better.However, we recognize that God gives every person “free will” which means that he or she has to choose to change.The Spirit can draw them and the Word can reveal their error, but it’s entirely in their hands to make the change and accept correction or reproof.
- As a spiritual father I give you this 4 part series today adding my spiritual commentary of over 54 yrs of walking with God. I have also worked in ministry for 44+ yrs,since age 14. I am currently the International Presiding Bishop of Christian Heritage International Group, here in sunny Clearwater,FL.
We live in a very interesting age today – the computer age! One can google any subject or topic into their browser and get an overview or understanding of that topic.Social networks like Facebook,YouTube, etc. offer many many self help topics.There is a lot advice out there.Some of it good and some of it bad! So be careful out there.Make sure to check this advice against the leadership teachings and doctrine of your church,pastor and your Bible.
Some people are more dysfunctional,abusive and toxic than others depending on their upbringing, environment and background.
Know that you are like a sponge (in your mind), and that no matter how developed, successful or happy that you think that you are,if you are living in a negative environment, it’s robbing you of your full potential and it’s making you miserable.If you stay around and feed on negative people they can bring you down.
People with a limiting belief system will also effect your psyche and level of spirituality.
My philosophy in life is that: “Life is too short to constantly deal with toxic and negative people.” This not to say as ministers of the gospel, we won’t try to teach,motivate or inspire people to change to a higher and better way of living, according to the scriptures. However, we need to know that we are incapable of changing people.Only God’s Spirit and Word can do that! Still, God allows each individual the power of free will: the ability to choose to be changed.There is nothing that we can do for a person if they choose not to change!
So why, do we labor to change others in fleshly zeal and labor? Life is already hard enough.
As people of God, it would behoove us to move those refuse to hear truth out of our lives and keep moving onward and upward ourselves. If they are to see the light, it is possible through God’s grace, that they may have an awakening later, and follow us.We can lead others only by our example! So move on.
Always try to surround yourself with positive people.Find people that will build something with you, rather than be an antagonist towards you!
The Root Causes of Toxicity
- Some people are stuck in the social matrix or are totally relying on the social matrix.
- They are not willing to rid themselves of the toxic people in their lives.
- They exist in a spiral of negativity
The spiral of negativity will bring you down
- They don’t live in an environment of Faith because of the many toxic people around them!
- These people are full of Unbelief
Jim Rohn states: “You are the average of the top 5 associates or friends that you hangout with.
What this means is that by the hrs/wk spent, if you rank these,the top 5- they have the most influence and are absorbed into you.”
Who do you want to surround yourself with?
As business partners
8 Types of People that can Qualify as Toxic persons:
- Business Associates/Clergy
- Clients or Customers
- Intimate Relationships (wife/husband,etc.)
- Your Children
- Family (Mom,Dad,Siblings etc.)
6-8 are the most difficult to cut.
You may be shocked to see that you hang out with some more than others.
You may also be hanging around negative,angry and toxic people all the time.This may be blocking your success.
If this is so, then you should know that you are stuck in a bad environment.
Let’s define toxic or toxicity.
A toxic person is one who is:
- Suffering from Depression
- Always Negative or a Pessimist and alway full of doubt while playing the Victim role.
- Dogmatic and set in their ways.Presents others with one mold that they must fit in order to be loved or even appreciated.No flexibility whatsoever.These people do not understand the principle of SEPARATENESS in individuals.
- A very angry or violent person.There different levels of anger.
- DRAMA Queens!These people have a very turbulent lifestyle.Always up or down emotionally.
They make mountains out of mole hills.
- Criminal Activity
- Real leeches on your lifestyle
- Suck the life right out of you.
- Really dangerous
So what is the Ultimate Solution ?
You have to cut some people out of your life!
Elevation requires SEPARATION!
This solution is so simple that most people don’t know that it exists as an option.
You simply take the scalpel and simply cut out the tumors or toxic people in your life.And of course it will be painful at first.
(In your Bible: ABRAHAM established the principle of Circumcision by cutting away his dead foreskin or flesh as a sign of his new covenant with God!)
The scalpel story is a very apt methaphor for what you are doing.We said earlier that your mind (soul) is like a sponge that soaks up everything that comes into your life! This includes toxic people and their bad ideas.
When negativity seeps into your life, it becomes a cancerous tumor that methastithizes and destroys you.
I know people who have become bitter because of maybe a bad marriage in their life times.These people then develop incurable cancer and die because of their bitterness! This is why FORGIVENESS and FORGIVING is so important in order to Thrive and Survive in ones life.Cancer can be considered at times and in some cases, a phycosomatic disease.It also can run in a family genetics (i.e. breast,ovarian and prosthetics cancers.)
This makes the scalpel methaphor even more important in our lives for we especially as Christians and ministers of the Gospel must let go and let God! This means some people have to be cut out of our lives in order for us to be successful because these people are a hindrance to us on our life journey!
Sooner or later you will have to see that all this negativity combination you through all the toxic people in your life affects your habits and your way of thinking and also your purpose in the world will be obscured by blindness.This toxicity all builds up in you over prolonged periods of time: (months and years)
Do yourself a favor and build the courage to cut these people out of your life.
Please acknowledge that if someone is violating the values, principles and standards that you have been taught to live by then that person can and should be cut out of your life!
It does not matter that they are close family – they have to go! Otherwise they will destroy you.
My testimony is this: For 7 yrs ( 1987 – 1994), Helen and I as well as well as our 2 children, felt that we needed to separate from our close family: (Parents,siblings in Florida). In 1987 Helen and I attended the Christ Gospel Bible Institute in Jeffersonville, Indiana so that we could be prepared to pursue ministry. I also earned my bachelors degree at Indiana University. Helen and I look back and see that those 7 years, though painful, were very crucial in the development of the Jones Family. We are better people today, because we chose to obey God, separate from family and friends for a season. Our relationship with family and friends, now that we moved back in 1994, is stronger than ever.That period of separation was necessary for our spiritual education and our moral development.Also, our children are better protected and bonded with us because of this choice, being protected from bad influences and environment.There are some family members in our extended family that may feel that we wasted 7 yrs but Helen and I both know better! Helen and I did what we felt was in the Jones Family’s best interest.
Jesus to told his disciples concerning marriage:
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and CLEAVE to his wife!
(Wheat & Tares Principle) ” Let them grow together.”Sometimes in marriage, divorce is not an option because it will totally devastate or destroy the children and leave scars for future generations. Wise and godly parents will recognize this and do what’s in the best interest of the entire family, and not just themselves.
Paul said in I Cor. 7:15 concerning marriage and divorce; let the unbelieving partner leave.
Peter said to men in marriage,dwell with you wife according to knowledge ( I Peter 3:7-9) This means for men, sometimes we need to just shut the hell up!
Peter also said to both husband and wife,not to rail on each other otherwise your prayers will be hindered.
Sometimes in extended families hard choices have to made to cut members that violate our boundaries and principles which include:
- Aunts and Uncles
- All other blood relatives
- Always set boundaries for yourself, your family and others in your life!
- Always be sure to enforce these boundaries otherwise others will lose respect for your negligence and lack of standards and boundaries.
In Part Two we will start discussing boundaries.
Christian Heritage Press and G.L. Jones Publishing.All rights reserved.